Happy 2016, all.
At last, I’ve evolved past the Sheldon (from Big Bang Theory Season 1) mitosis (as reproduction) phase into being more human, and maybe even more of a woman. Another shade from the spectrum of human emotion unlocked. What happened is that within the past days, I have joined those plagued by unrequited like. Not love, but like, and even if it’s lighter and not serious, it’s bothersome.
I’ve been expanding myself by making new friends, developing friendships with colleagues, reaching out into my local community, and unleashing myself upon the dating world. It’s been an interesting growing experience thus far. No funny business involved, as I’ve reassured my sister and best friends many times, but getting to know others as friends first (because it isn’t logical to go into romance out of the excitement of infatuation before figuring out whether you can be good friends and companions). I’ve been open to meeting people I previously would’ve never considered opening even a crack of opportunity to, and it has been good. However, some people you’ll like more than the rest, and try as I might to not think of one in particular, I can’t help myself. I thoroughly enjoyed this person’s company, and thought, really thought, it was mutual. I guess I was wrong, or for the sake of self-preservation, I’d rather guess I was wrong.
Just for my personal amusement (at some future time when I look back at this fun chapter of life), below are snippets of my inner dialogue whenever I remember.
- Y U NOT LIKE ME? SAD FACE. I thought we really clicked. Was it just me thinking we had good chemistry the whole time? Am I… crazy? But we had so much fun the last time! Was that hug good bye?
- You’ll meet other women, and eventually realize that none of them are as charmingly weird as I am.
- It’s almost easier to believe that you’re busy rather than just not that into me.
We all know there’s more fish in the sea, and this disappointment too shall pass. It’s just a sucky feeling to admire someone and enjoy their company, but realize that it may be as far as the story gets. The silver lining in this predicament is being able to discern some qualities that I’m looking for, and being able to observe myself in the process of liking someone, a lot, for the first time in my life. I wish this person well, and will learn to lightly hold onto the possibility of getting to know this person a bit more in the future if an opportunity comes, but for now, it’s time to sober up, allow myself a little bit of emotional eating, sing an Adele song (and truly internalize it) and move on.