B, Thought Vomit
Comments 2

Showing Up In The Dark

Has it really been April since the last time I wrote?

Yes, and we can blame it on analysis paralysis (having too many writings in the Noted app of my phone, imprisoned by the insecure need to revise them, and revise again) and having my arm cut off, i.e., not having a laptop to bring around because of a busted screen.

Otherwise, life has been okay. Almost the robotic Good, my response to customers who start an order for coffee with the courteous How Are You Today? I like these fine folks though. Better than people who can’t even look you in the eye throughout an entire transaction, or the ones who shove a credit card at you before anything’s even been spoken. Good times. If you don’t already know, I’ve been a barista for the past months.

Anyway, I’m OK. So here I am, just showing up, here, and maybe something will happen. Or not. But in case it does, let’s get it started:

  • Lately I’m learning to forgive myself, which is harder than I even understand because I keep on screwing myself up. I easily forgive others, but when it comes to myself, I’m harsh. The good part is that majority of my problems are all in my head, so it all depends on me to get out of it. But boy am I heavy like quicksand.
  • Reading Bird By Bird, a comic of Sun Tsu’s Art of War, and some business books. I’ve also got three thick volumes of an in depth study of the Gospel of Matthew, and half a book remaining of a Kerouac. Curriculum for the year’s been spelled out I guess!
  • Halfway towards eating healthy while having my favorite set meal at McDonalds (6 piece chicken nuggets with barbecue sauce, fries, and a hot fudge sundae)
  • Watched Tig on Netfliz last night. Recommended. I also watched Welcome To Me starring Kristen Wiig. Dark comedies are good stuff.
  • Also watching the following while waiting the The Last Man On Earth to resume: Ink Masters, Iron Chef, Pretty Little Liars, Adventure Time, and Tattoo Nightmares. One of my regulars has an Alphonse Mucha tattoo, which makes me want one too.
  • If there’s one thing I can’t live without, it’s my laptop. My hands can’t keep up with the speed my mind in writing down my thoughts. Without it, it’s felt like my arms have been cut off, and I’m disconnected from the world. Even if it means just peeking into it.
  • Since I moved to Chicago, I’ve been to church thrice. Maybe four times. It’s taking a toll on me, and I must keep looking. -_-

Let me end with a quote that got me moving:

Hope is a revolutionary patience; let me add that so is being a writer. Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that is you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don’t give up.

From Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott

Have a great week ahead, all.



  1. The other B says

    Hope you find a great church there. It does take time…otherwise, I’m enjoying the Church here in Cleveland so far (Cuyahoga Valley Church). You can stream their messages if you want. ;-)

    When is the laptop arriving?

    Your “curriculum” looks very interesting so far. Can’t wait to hear your thoughts on these matters.

    Have you tried looking for short courses in the nearby area? Hahaha just thought about that considering that school is starting for me tomorrow… oh boy. It feels great to use get the brain juices working though.

    • Happy to hear you found one in your boondocks! JK. More like a plain?

      Yeah, looking into short courses and programs. Will let you know when we next chat. :> ILU!

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